Living Slowly

I had planned to have some work in progress photos to share, and while that could be lovely, I’ve honestly not had a lot of time to spare lately. My mother and father-in-law have come up from Peru for an extended visit, and while they are very helpful, it’s a busy season here on the homestead. Having two additional adults who need to eat their main meal around 1-2PM has shifted my entire daily schedule. Add to that other friends and family day-trip visits on account of the warm summer weather, and my routines are often disrupted. 

 

It would be easy to just throw my hands up and not continue to live intentionally. To just say, “Screw it, whatever,” and just live in a reaction mode. I find that to be counterproductive in reducing anxiety. I was speaking with my brother recently about our mother’s propensity for finding four-leaf clovers. My nephew and I both appear to have inherited the ability, and something he said to me struck me as being true for me too. He said that if he sets out looking specifically for four-leaf clovers, he doesn’t find them. Think about that for a moment, when he makes it his purpose to just look for them, he doesn’t find any. 

 

When we take the time to slow down while doing our daily chores or while spending time with family, if we relax our minds to be present in the moment, wherever we are, then we can see the four-leaf clovers amidst the hundreds of regular three-leafers. When I’m not so focused on getting from point A to point B, making a meal because it has to be done, bathing a baby because she has to be bathed, but I take the time to exist in that moment, on that day, on this trip around the sun, there is a richness of detail – the aroma of fresh ginger, the wet curls on my daughter’s head, the tiny veins on a clover leaf – that I would miss completely in my rush. 

 

How do you take time to live intentionally, to live slowly, each day? 

 

Transitions: New RV Studio Tour

I am writing this post a day late. I took yesterday “off” for my mom’s birthday. It was her first birthday where she wasn’t here with us. It was a tough day, for sure, but we kept busy with homestead projects. I’m not certain I’m dealing with her loss in the healthiest way, but I’m making do and coping. 

 

Mixed in with the homestead projects this week have been preparations for the arrival of my husband’s parents and also an exciting new studio move. Those who have been following my art journey on Facebook and Instagram will know that my first “studio” space was a desk area in our kitchen. As I got to working more regularly, the materials and associated mess expanded, so last year my husband suggested I take over the guest bedroom. That area also became somewhat “small” for the materials and work, but I had plenty of table space for office work and framing paintings. I was rather content there, BUT every time we had family visit and stay, the space had to be converted back into a guest bedroom. 

A desk in my kitchen was a great start

I was so thankful to take over
the guest bedroom for a while

Recently my husband had a crazy, wonderful idea that we could get a travel trailer, RV type space to be a studio. At his urging I looked around online and actually found a 1996 Dutchmen 5^th wheel RV. The folks who owned it before me began a renovation of the space, but it wasn’t quite completed. It cost less than a newer model which should allow me to complete renovations and maybe even add solar panels and a composting toilet. My lovely husband hit two birds with one stone, because I have been looking at tiny houses for years now, so this new studio space satisfies my yearning for a tiny house of my own. 

 

My wonderful father and our dear friends Bill and Josh helped to change the hitch to work with the ball hitch in my dad’s pick-up truck, and the new studio arrived here at our place last Friday. It will need some work, but I’ve been able to move in most of my art materials. There are great storage cupboards, cubbies, and closets, and the middle area is tall enough for my easel. I honestly would never have dreamed of having a separate studio space any time soon, so I’m so excited to get to work and am still a bit in shock that it has worked out. I look forward to sharing the renovations and studio updates with you!

Here comes the studio on Papi's truck

The mid point is tall enough for my easel

  

The kitchen and booth areas

My canvases fit nicely in the closet

I can even fit books in the cabinets

What is your "studio" space like? Do you use your kitchen table, a desk in the living room, a guest bedroom? How do you navigate space and time for art making? I'd love to hear how others are handling their art creation spaces!

Overwhelm: What I do about it

I know there are a lot of resources out there for stress and depression and even overwhelm, but I didn’t want to leave a post up complaining about an issue I’m having without also sharing what I do personally to cope. Luckily today I’m having a solid 8.5 out of 10 day, so I can share some of my tool kit. In no particular order, here are some of the things that help me stay sane:

 

1.    Maintain good sleep hygiene: The amount of sleep one needs varies from person to person, but I don’t feel like I can face the world unless I get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Unfortunately, I often have interrupted sleep and unintentionally biphasic sleep. I also have plenty of nights where I simply don’t get enough. A few tricks that help me are to read an actual, physical book while falling asleep – something fascinating but not enthralling, turn lamps down low, stop cellphone and television use at least an hour before bed, and cover my alarm clock numbers with a sleep mask to create darkness in my room. These don’t give me perfect sleep regularity, but they help.

 

2.    Keep my digital calendar and physical planner up to date: I prefer to use both my Google calendar and a Panda Planner. On my digital calendar I color code for medical appointments, birthdays, work appointments, church commitments, and kids’ activities. If it’s not in my calendar, it doesn’t exist. Writing it down and backing it up for access on the go helps me to reduce the anxiety that I might miss something or drop the ball. 

 

3.   Practice gratitude: This might be taking a moment to pray and thank the Lord for something simple: a hot cup of coffee, a glimpse of a Gold Finch or the little Downy Woodpecker that haunts the dead trees off the front porch, the time to take an uninterrupted hot shower. It can also take the form of writing a little note of gratitude in my Panda Planner, or it can be something a bit more long-form if I find time to write my Morning Pages. Taking time, no matter what is not going right in life, to remember what IS going well, helps to keep me mentally balanced and focused.

 

4.   Acknowledge and nurture my artistic self: I believe that each of us is unique and has certain parts of the self that make us tick. When we deny these parts, we wilt inside and cease to be as intended. We devolve into a lesser version of ourselves. The awareness, whether conscious or subconscious, of this lack or loss left me feeling anxious, dissatisfied, hungry, for years. When I do not make or create or acknowledge the need to do so, I feel as if there is a watcher just beyond my peripheral spying on me. There’s a niggling sense of need, a constipation of spirit. When I don’t take time to allow my artist self to play or to escape into my work, even if just for a short time, on a regular basis, I feel deep seated anxiety and cannot cope with the other tasks on my to do list. My husband has supported me in devoting more time to creating, and that makes a world of difference. It isn’t an indulgence but rather a very real necessity.

 

This leads me to my last tool to share for today.

 

5.   Triage: I have to sort the priorities in my life and the lives of my children. This means that I need to not operate in a reactive mode but rather a mode of careful consideration. Routines where appropriate can help reduce decision fatigue, and for the rest I make case by case decisions. It is en vogue for modern families to buy in meals and prioritize sports, dance, and other youth activities, and I have no criticism if that works for other families. It doesn’t work for me, so I choose to live our life at a somewhat slower pace, prioritizing relationships and time on the homestead. I am learning to say, “No,” when the activity offered doesn’t fit in with what we’ve identified as our priorities. It’s a process.

 

What daily rituals or “tools” do you keep in your kit for dealing with overwhelm?          

Overwhelm

On the risk of sounding a bit like I’m whining, my topic this week is overwhelm. I realize that I live a privileged existence here in a first world country, but despite that I still suffer occasionally from overwhelm. This past weekend I was truly under the weather on Sunday. I’m not sure if I caught a stomach bug or if it was the Boston Crème doughnut I ate on Saturday (bakery to remain unnamed), but I felt a bit like death warmed over. Luckily my husband had the day off and was able to pitch in and help out despite also being pretty tired from his six-day work week. On Monday morning I felt somewhat better, and I managed to get out of bed at a reasonable hour. I even wrote my Morning Pages. In my stream of consciousness writing, I found myself mentally sorting through all the projects, paperwork, and plans, that I have going. 

 

Around 7:30am I transitioned to getting the kids up and fed. My father very sweetly stopped by a little after 8am to check on me to see how I was doing. It’s fairly standard for us to check in around that time in the morning to discuss our plans for the day, so it wasn’t as if his visit was unexpected. He began to talk about our small herd of cattle that are living on a neighbor’s farm. The plan is to move most of them here soon, so that said neighbor can start his own herd again. We have amazing friends who are helping us out with this project, so I don’t actually have much firsthand involvement. Regardless, it suddenly felt like one more project was being piled on, and I had missed a deadline already. It was sort of like those recurring nightmares I have where I show up to a mathematics class at university and all the homework assignments are due at end of term the next day, but I haven’t completed any. And it wasn’t a project that I started or had any say or decision-making power about really. Anxiety welled up.

 

I burst into tears. 

 

My poor dad came over and gave me a hug. He had zero idea of what I’d already been mentally juggling in that moment, and he’s got quite a few things on his own plate. We’re both still reeling from the loss of my mom to cancer complications last July. Her birthday is at the end of this month. Throughout the course of the day and several additional chats, I started to feel better bit by bit. Several things helped me, and now on Tuesday I feel like I *may* actually be able to tackle what I would like to achieve this season on the homestead and in my life. I think in many respects the anxiety and overwhelm came in no small part from feeling like I have projects to complete in support of others and that I am sometimes asked to de-prioritize the projects that are near and dear to my heart. When I feel overwhelmed, the suggestion often offered is to do less in the garden or to not worry so much about making my artwork. These aren’t actual solutions, but I’ll talk a bit about that in my next post. For now, I’m being patient with myself and remembering to chip away at my goals “bird by bird,” as Anne Lamott put it. I’ve sussed out a few things that help me to avoid or cope with overwhelm, so I’ll share those with you next time.

 

Be well. Be blessed. And remember to be patient with yourself.   

I feel guilty when...

This post goes out to other creative mothers. 
Whether you paint or craft, quilt, sew, or sculpt – this post is for you.  

Within the past few years, I’ve decided to truly dedicate time to making my artwork. At the moment it’s taking the form of acrylic paintings. The paints I’m using, with the exception of three recently purchased tubes of Golden Acrylics, are student paints I received as gifts a LONG time ago. When I really got back into making art, my daughter was a newborn. I would literally sit at a little desk area in our kitchen nursing her and draw or paint in the evening after our two boys were in bed. So, I’m a beginner with some serious time and material constraints. 

This morning while washing dishes, simmering a homestead smoked ham to roast later, waiting for a load of baby clothes to finish in the washer to transfer to the dryer, and preparing lunch for my three kids, I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I wasn’t in the studio. I felt guilty that I hadn’t written my Morning Pages. I felt guilty that I wasn’t out preparing the garden beds or purchasing our starter plants from the nursery. I felt guilty that the clean laundry wasn’t yet folded and put away. I felt guilty that I wasn’t playing with or reading to my kids. I felt guilty that areas of my house are cluttered and need cleaning. I was doing THREE things at once, and I still felt guilty. 

 

Honestly, I believe this is a little ridiculous. 

 

Yes, there are days when I sit on my butt and watch old shows online for an hour or two. Some days we order in food, and my daughter and I *may* be eating box mac n’ cheese as I’m typing this, but for the most part, I prepare homecooked meals, grow/raise a lot of our own food, and I make time for my creative endeavors which may even be developing into a small business. The house isn’t filthy, if a bit untidy. The children are fed and bathed, educated and entertained. Most of the time they have on clean clothes. 

 

If you’re like me, weighed down by the expectations, societal or personal, take a minute. Just, take a minute and breathe in deeply. Close your eyes and realize how much you’ve done, all the little tasks that add up, all the big tasks that get taken for granted. Think about the things that absolutely have to get done – did you do them? Did you get them done with some help from friends or family? I bet you did. I bet everyone’s okay, healthy, probably even happy. And if something did not get done, realize that maybe that’s okay. Realize that maybe not everything has to be done today. Realize that some things are okay to leave undone in order to make room for your passions. Give yourself a break, and for Heaven’s sake, stop feeling guilty. 

About this time each year...

So this year it's not August - we're nearly into November, and I'm writing a blog entry. So much changes from year to year despite the things that stay the same. Mom died back in July just days after sending a rather upbeat email update to the family about her chemo and immunotherapy treatments. She had decided to fight, to ask for a little more time - six months to a year. She made it a couple of months. 

There's nothing poetic about death. My mind searches for her pulling in the drive in the grey, well-worn HHR. I'm struck by a pang of expecting when I walk into my folks' living room and see her purse and her things just slightly out of place from where she left them. Search as I might, death has not given me any great words or sentiments to put into print, to share with the world in order to help others in the same state of profound loss. It just is. It's just a gap - a void - a feeling that I wish she'd just come home already. I keep thinking of things that I'd been meaning to ask her. 

Garden Update! (Mid-August 2019)

Weeds, weeds, and more weeds, my kingdom for a weed wacker!

But seriously, from a very rainy start, we’ve moved on to the sultry days of late June/early August. I’ve had a pretty busy week what with the birthday party and the actual birthday family dinner and swim lessons, coordinating chicken pick-ups and egg drop-offs, and being pregnant - pretty par for the course around here really. I’ve also recently been offered a part-time off-homestead job working with English Language Learner (ELL) students, so I’m preparing and excited about that as well.

While I’ve been occupied with all of that, my papi has been mowing and weed wacking like a maniac, and my mom has been super busy tending the garden. She is a gardening goddess really, so I thought I’d treat you all to a short, end-of-week post with garden update photos. Hope you enjoy!

Sometimes the dill plants itself - this blossom that was bright
yellow in June is now brown and depositing dill seeds
each time it is bumped or shaken

The tomato and pepper plants are
finally beginning to produce!

Jalapeños - mom weeded this bed, but the
weeds are encroaching from the paths

Some beds are still covered in plastic
to "control the weeds"
It's safe to say the plastic has had only
limited success longterm

Broccoli (and weeds)

More broccoli (and more weeds!)

Beautifully weeded tomato bed,
compliments of mom
The hover flies are being truly obnoxious
around this bed today

Beets - also weeded by mom
(are you sensing a theme???)

Cabbage bed and two beds covered with scraps of
landscaping cloth (seems to work better than the regular
plastic)
AKA I weeded a bed, it's a miracle!!!

Everbearing Strawberries -
the plants where I weeded are producing well,
but I need to weed the rest of the bed for
a third time

Green tomatoes are coming on - can't
wait to make some tomato sauce

I used some of the landscaping cloth to
kill grass and make a path to the far end
of the garden

The Party's Over

My house is a disaster area.

The burnables bin and compost bowl are overflowing. The recyclables bin is full, even though I took the recyclables just two days ago. There are bits of paper and packaging all over the living room. I continue to find half empty soda cans, water bottles, smudges of blue icing, and dirty napkins, around the house, on the porch, out by the grill. And my children are still high on a total sugar overdose.

I honestly couldn’t be happier.

We just had a gathering to celebrate the end of summer and for my oldest son’s 8^th birthday. While we missed some friends and family who couldn’t make it for various reasons, it was delightful to spend time with those who were able to come. I’ve even reached out to a few who couldn’t make it to make plans for another get together sometime soon. There were food and drink and laughter in abundance. I felt truly connected with people I love for the first time in a long time.

When I first uninstalled Facebook and social media apps from my phone, I feared that I would be disconnected, that I would miss out on important milestones from my friends, family, and former colleagues. I felt a tug to check my phone regularly despite not having the apps to click.

Since uninstalling them, I’ve come to realize something critical to my well-being. When I had constant access and “connection” I felt less connected with people and a near constant level of stress. There was a nagging portion of my brain worrying about what people might be saying or debating, arguments that might be occurring, important business that I might miss. This took me away from my children, away from my husband and parents, and away from the homestead, in ways I failed to recognize.

On Saturday during our party, I was able to enjoy myself and enjoy our guests fully for the first time since we started throwing these shindigs about seven years ago. I wasn’t worried about taking photos and videos to post online. I wasn’t distracted pondering strange comments or interactions with people I knew decades ago. I wasn’t overwhelmed by the happy stress of hosting due to the underlying toxic stress from social media. The house may be a mess, the party over, but I am deeply content and certain that I’m getting a fresh start on a brave new take on life.

Groceries for the big day. I'm finding it easier at WM
to use the self check-out with my reusable grocery bags.

A friend commissioned a tres leches cake from
the Guatemalan pasteleria down in N. Phila.

Sometimes when you're turning 8, you just have
to have a piñata shaped like a game controller.

Nothing says happy birthday like beating on a
shaped paper something until candy falls out.
Yay for piñatas!!!

Special thanks: 

• to all our friends and family who made this gathering so amazing!
• to our Canton and Tracylandia family for making the trip down/over/up!
• to my pal A.N. for singing the piñata song, because I STILL don't know it!
• to my big brother, my husband, and T.E. for photos and videos - I was having too much fun to take pictures!
• a nuestro amigo A.H. por haber traido el pastel tan hermoso y delicioso!!!

Zero Waste Progress – One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

French press coffee requires no filter, BUT the coffee
beans still come in plastic-containing packaging

I’ve recently been thinking a lot about our environmental impact with things like single-use plastics. I know that one person or even one household alone makes only a small difference, but I am hopeful that with greater awareness more and more people and households will start to produce less waste and consume less non-renewable energy. Exploring this concept and how different people approach the “Zero Waste” lifestyle has been a great way to spend my free time lately, especially since I’ve completely uninstalled Facebook and Facebook Messenger from my phone. I’ve suddenly discovered hours that I should’ve known were being eaten up by “socializing” (a.k.a. worrying overmuch about what people I may or may not know that well in the real world think about my latest post). There are tons of great resources out there, especially videos on YouTube about “alternative” lifestyles (tiny houses, zero waste, homesteading, off grid, etc.). Many of the videos have been made by single people, but there are a few gems out there produced by families – see links to a few of my favorites below this post.

Fun with re-sprouting celery
(an alternative to composting)

As a household we were already doing a certain amount of waste reduction:

• composing kitchen scraps
• burning paper waste to create ash for the garden
• recycling (certain things are accepted locally)
• using reusable travel water bottles and coffee mugs
• reusing food containers (glass jars for food storage, plastic yogurt containers for dog food, etc.)
• using a silicone menstral cup instead of disposable pads/tampons

What I didn’t realize were the many ways in which I was already set up to further reduce waste. I was delighted to discover that without too much effort I could implement certain changes that have made a big difference. 

• refusing plastic bags, lids/straws
• REMEMBERING reusable plastic and canvas totes as shopping bags
• using cotton cloths/diaper cloths (don’t worry, they were never on a baby’s bottom) as wipes in lieu of paper towels for messes
• REMEMBERING my own reusable green plastic produce bags, reusing orange net bags
• choosing only loose fruits and vegetables instead of pre-packaged
• choosing paper/carton packaging when possible

I’ve also identified some difficulties that I’m sorting out and brainstorming ideas to overcome:

• kids’ milk at restaurants comes in a plastic lidded cup or plastic bottle (you have to remember to ask for a regular glass/cup or choose water)

o   We should eat out LESS and take our own reusable containers for beverages/leftovers

• certain foods are only available locally packaged in plastic or plastic-containing packaging. Some examples of foods we buy regularly: yogurt, bread, milk, dried fruits, almonds, noodles (carton boxes with plastic windows)

Homemade bread
(finding the time is tough)

o   I do bake my own bread, so I’m trying to develop a habit of that each week

o   I can also make noodles, but again, need to make it a regular part of our routine

o   Same with yogurt…but I still have to buy milk in carton/plastic hybrid packaging

o   I can get nuts/dried fruits and grains in bulk in Canton (and maybe Pittsburgh?), but that requires an hour of driving

o   We can produce more of our own veggies and whatnot and “can” them in glass jars or freeze them…more on that later

•  toothbrushes and toothpaste are definite plastic waste issues

o   I’ve invested in some bamboo with hog bristle toothbrushes and silk floss in a glass/metal refillable bottle – more on these later when we’ve had a chance to really try them out

Compostable toothbrushes and floss
(usefulness yet to be determined)

• food storage in the fridge – ie the plastic wrap dilemma

o   I’ve purchased some local beeswax to make cotton/wax food wraps, but I haven’t actually made them yet

I am SO FAR from actually achieving “zero waste,” but I feel that I’m making steps toward reducing our carbon footprint. It has been a struggle to help my boys understand what I’m up to, but they are curious and are watching the choices that I make. I’m hopeful that it will make a difference in the decisions they make as they grow older. I know that my actions and example can be much louder than my words, so for every two steps backwards due to difficulties, at least we’ll continue to take steps toward reducing our waste and overconsumption. I hope this post gives you some ideas and wish you the best of luck on your journey!

Videos/Links I found helpful:

A Family in Hobart, Australia

Even if you can't go "zero waste," tips for what you CAN do

Menstral Cup - comfy, clean, and eco-friendly

Beeswax Wraps - haven't done it yet but will!

A Day in June

SO on with the show. I had hoped to post this on June 14, but a once a week habit will have to do for now. Life being what life is – complicated!

In June I took some photos during a typically busy day here on Shepherd’s Flock Farm. We were in the midst of harvesting Music garlic, playing (I have two sons), and making hay. My oldest son noticed ripe wild Black Raspberries on the bushes, so I had to transition to harvesting the berries despite having laid other plans. We call that “Farm Time” around here. Sometimes a happy occurrence like ripe berries shifts your focus for a time. Sometimes a storm knocks a tree down across the road or a neighbor’s driveway, and that has to be dealt with before moving on to other projects. To live in close communion with nature means you will be kept on your toes with regularity.

Garden (west) - the rain has made for
healthy weeds in the garden this year

Garden (east) - regular weeding of beds
to rescue overwhelmed desireable plants helps

Garlic Harvest - I use a spadefork to loosen the
Music Garlic and then gently pull up each bulb for drying

Garlic Harvest - I borrowed Mom's cart to
haul garlic up for bundling/hanging out to dry

My boys have a garden bed dedicated to play

Occasionally they find tiny friends in the garden.
We examine them and then let them go.

Making hay - the activity for the afternoon

Making hay - Papi used a square baler to make hay on our
south field. Some of our friends and neighbors came over
to help out.

Some long, hot, sunny days have sweet endings.
While everyone else went to the barn to unload the hay bales,
I stayed and harvested wild Black Raspberries from
the perimeter of the field. Delicious!!!

Shepherd’s Flock Farm Garden – Before and After

Part 1: Creating raised beds and planting

Kate Payne de Chavez

If you look back through the blog posts, you can see some photographs of work we did along the lake in early spring before we could really get out into the garden.   It was too cold and the ground was too tough for us to get out and plant our veggies, so we satisfied ourselves with cleaning up the winter’s debris and waiting for the daffodils to bloom.   It was our way of getting out of the house and back to the farm.  

We have quite a bit of work to do to get this place back to the level of early successes that Mama and Papi had a few years ago, so we’re working together as a team to draw up a plan.

In late April and early May the ground was finally soft and dry enough to work, so Jhan and I talked with Mama and Papi about what they wanted in terms of garden beds.   We decided on beds that were approximately 4’ x 10’ and 4’ x 12’ (with a few oddly shaped beds here and there; the garden isn't exactly rectangular due to a little stream bed/drainage ditch along one side).   The walkways are generally 3’ or 4’ wide to allow for a wheel barrow to make the journey from the beds to the gate and all the way down to the compost bin.   Jhan and I laid out a grid using butcher’s twine and garden flags, and Jhan and Papi went to work creating the permanent raised beds.   I emphasize the word permanent here, because my poor mother and father have laid out and created theoretically permanent raised beds several times in the past.   Life has a way of running off with our well-made plans, and weeds invade.   That is perhaps a story for another post.   In any event, here you can see the grid lines and Jhan working away on digging out walkways and piling the soil onto the raised beds  (Mama, aka Avis, aka Nana, is in the background tidying up the asparagus bed).

Once the beds were ready, we were more than ready to plant.   We planted lettuces, peas, and beans from seed.   We then went to Skipper’s Greenhouse (here in Carroll County at 2044 Canyon Rd SW) and bought a TON of plants: tomatoes, cabbage, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, basil, dill, thyme, peppers, and marigolds.   The raised beds are mulched with pine needles from the pine woods on the farm, and as much of the walkways as possible are mulched with wood chips from a local tree-trimming business.   Waste not, want not.         

Around May 25th we had a very late frost, so in these images you can see tarpaulins, crates, bits of pipe, and other random materials that Papi and Jhan used to quickly cover the plants when the frost warning was announced.    Of our 48 tomato plants, I believe we lost only about 6.   We were blessed to lose so few; many of the folks around us (including commercial farmers) had a significant amount of crop damage.   

Stay tuned for Part 2 to see some After pics with the current state of the garden.  

Take care, and God bless!