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| The boys head out to "dig coal" (Alternate title: The boys head out to get chased by "evil" geese) |
Sometimes saying “no” is exactly the correct thing to say to your children. It is undoubtedly one of the hardest things to say to them, particularly when they pester and beg and pull out every trick from their “Being a kid” manual. It’s that sneaky book that children memorized before they were even born. You know the one - that one that we never receive a copy of for navigating this whole parenting experiment. Recently I’ve had the chance to see when saying “no” to my kids can be for their and my benefit.
Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed. I’m 26 weeks
pregnant with kiddo number three, and this pregnancy is not nearly as friendly
as my first two. The summer has been sweltering AND rainy AND stressful.
The garden is a forest of weeds. It has been one of THOSE summers. There have
been days where, despite knowing what I ought
to do as a mother for my children, I just feel like curling up and binge
watching Poldark while they watch PBS Kids or Craig of the Creek. It has not
been my finest hour.
Within the past few weeks I’ve been trying a new tactic with
my boys. It hasn’t been easy, but I think it’s helping us to transition to a
healthier routine. A while back I created an activities chart. The boys must
complete their tasks BEFORE they are allowed to use screens – no TV, Xbox,
Nintendo Switch, or tablet, until the list is completed.
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| This chart has not made me popular with the boys, but they are being much friendlier and less insistant on screen time since we started using it. |
Most days they’ve continued to ask for screens first thing
in the morning and repeatedly during the day, but I’ve stuck to my decision and
said “no.” In the past few days, they’ve finally, FINALLY stopped asking first
thing for TV. Today they even went outside to play for a bit before
breakfast. Enough tasks on the list has translated to more time playing and interacting
and less time staring at screens. They often do not complete all of their tasks
until 4pm or later. Since all screens are off for family dinner, they are
self-limiting their screen time to 1-2 hours maximum.*
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| Homework: My 3yo works on a dry-erase Early Learning book tracing and doodling |
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| Homework: My soon-to-be 3rd grader works on pages in Brain Quest or packets that his 2nd grade teachers sent home for the summer |
We’re fighting less, and I’m finding time for my own
projects - tending the garden and writing Morning Pages and this blog - while
they work on their activities list. I feel less overwhelmed and have more time
to get things done. They are playing together and collaborating on silly,
creative projects (like “digging for coal or treasure” and puppet shows), and
their attitude has greatly improved. They’re talking back and rolling their
eyes less and are volunteering to help out more. The change has been painfully
slow at times, but I think we’re finally seeing progress.
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| Morning Pages: This is my current notebook for writing each morning. I try to squeeze in 3 pages before the day begins. |
It’s easy to say “no” to our kids when they are about to
step into a dangerous situation – a hot pan on the stove, a busy parking lot.
When it’s something that can seem innocuous like using screens, it can be A LOT
more difficult. We’re still not perfectly within the latest recommendations
from the American Academy of Pediatrics, but we’re getting closer. If you’re
struggling with this topic at home, you are NOT alone. It can take a lot more
effort to say “no,” but kids benefit from face-to-face interactions, physical
activity, feeling like they’re an important contributor to the family unit, and
they even get better sleep at night when we say “no” to unlimited, mindless
screen time and “yes” to healthy activities.
*I allow them up to 30 minutes of video game time daily and then
TV or a movie. Some days they play video games longer if they’re sharing well
or are playing educational games, but generally I try to limit it.
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